A pencil is a pretty lethal weapon in itself. I recall a nasty incident with a fine-sharpened HB at school. Under a desk, right into the knee. Apparently I’d been giving her ‘evils’. In my defence, I wish to state that I am unequivocally incapable of evils – they emerge something akin to expressions of constipation. So, having been impaled for looking 'blocked', I was made aware of two things: the potential hazards of stationery, and the particularly nasty capacity of school children to hurt each other.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you The Voodoo Pencil Case!
The company behind this incredibly well thought-out product is Smiggle. Smiggle should perhaps have done their homework. The poor practisers of Voodoo, or Vodou, are forever being associated with nasty goings on involving the acupuncture of rag dolls. Haitian Voodoo-ers do have cloth images they hammer to cemetery trees – but they are ‘messengers’ to take prayers and thoughts to the other side; and they do brandish dolls, but only to personify or honour spirits. There isn't an Chucky in sight. Perhaps Smiggle should have called its nasty little product a Hoodoo – which is folk magic; or perhaps they should have called their nasty little product a day at the drawing board stage.
I know I’m being overly adult here. What’s a little black magic between desks? Probably the same as what a little bit of bullying is between schoolkids. Probably what a game of Ouija is to young impressionable minds that need years of therapy to get over obsessive compulsive exorcism disorders.
You see, these pencil cases have a place where you can put a photo of the person you’d love to curse. Isn’t that nice? You can imagine the intolerable pain and shame of the tortured runts and nerds who find themselves snapped on a mobile, downloaded and affixed to the class bitch’s Smiggle in a gaggle of cackles. And you can imagine the class bitch (warning: I’m about to stereotype) chewing gum, expressionless, locking eyes with her victim and proceeding to stab her effigy with a compass tip.
If they wanted to mix schoolchildren and sharp objects - a totally sensible combination, you'll agree - why couldn't they do a Fashion Doll Pencil Case, where kids can tack their Vivienne Westwoods to their raggy Madonnas. Or a Death Do Us Part pencil case, where they could prick their own fingers and send droplets of blood right to the fibrous heart of a doll with the face of a Jonas Brother.
But satanic ritual? I’m gobsmacked anything so vile could be considered for a school environment, places where we already have a plethora of obese and acne-ridden targets suffering the sharp tongues of the top dogs. It’s a disgrace.
And what about us? In a world where a child can divorce their parents, all we need is a public device that encourages the infliction of pain and humiliation of an already worn down group of people who make mistakes but are just trying to do their best . Imagine the talk at the school gates...
Hi Rachel, how’s things?... All good? Everything okay on the health front? You know, eyesight okay an’ all?... Why? Oh, it’s just that Marsha’s been telling me how Matilda sticks needles in her mummy’s eyes when she doesn’t get crisps in her lunchbox...
I think it's too sinister for words. Although I managed to write a few, as usual...
Posted by: Rachel | March 19, 2009 at 11:20 PM
That is just seriously creepy! I just told my daughter about this and now she wants one because a girl in her class has been saying things about her.
You can just bet I said no! Still, you made me laugh out loud with that last part hehe
Posted by: I'd Like to Sleep Now | March 19, 2009 at 05:53 PM